In this COVID world of ours, many of you will relate to the feeling of being on a rollercoaster of emotions. For me this peaked in August when I lost my job, a sad reality for far too many people this year. My self-esteem has been at an all-time low and I have continuously questioned my self-worth. Hence, my absence on the blog until now.
I have felt like a burden to my husband and that I let my children down. Believing I failed them affected who I thought I was and what I thought I was capable of. I was in that rabbit hole that makes you believe that you are worthy of nothing, will never have another success in life and you WILL fail at every attempt to change your circumstances. Now I say – that’s enough!
I got to the point of having had enough of feeling emotionally drained and weak. I have stopped complaining about not getting any response to job applications and have thrown myself into living and having faith that things will eventually work out the way they are meant to. Applying for jobs is but one thing I can do to change my circumstances and that it is time to start thinking about other ways to do so and attempting them too.
Having enough self-respect and sufficient desire to live life happily has changed my mind-set. This change has helped me focus on what is most important, what I enjoy and what I can do well. This has altogether resulted in building up my self-esteem, my self-worth and motivating me to not just wait for others to determine my fate in life but to focus on what I can control and that it might be time to take some risks – I have nothing to lose at the moment anyway.
Accepting that when life throws us curveballs and when we experience setbacks, that it is not a reflection on our abilities and self-worth. This has been part of my emotional healing. So too was realising the fact that if the broad context and situation was different, I would not have lost my job. I have realised that my decision to take some risks will come with some failures. In making this decision I know that these failures will be part of the course. So why have I allowed this to take control of me for a while and debilitate me. Why does rational thinking often take so long to settle in at times?
To keep me motivated, I will constantly remind myself to be grateful for what is most important – my family. I am also grateful that while I navigate the next chapter or chapters of my life, I have been able to earn a little consulting revenue on the side. I can now acknowledge that not many are fortunate enough to be in this position. And when this consulting contract ends, I know something worth waiting for will be around the next corner. I know because I may sometimes feel like a failure and that’s okay – I am able to get out of my stupor. I know because I am okay with failing and I know it doesn’t make me a failure in life. I know because I believe in me.
I do hope that this post resonates with those of you who have also faced challenges these last few months, and that you can be motivated by what you are grateful for and to back and believe in yourself.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently”. – Henry Ford
Until next time…
Yours in Adapting & Being